I have said
before
that I don’t like to criticize some one that is better than me in writing on
his own job.
That said I
cant hold my self back from the books that follow.
It maybe
that I have scruples to criticize only authors that I like, or that I am hypocrite
that blatantly lies. I don’t know, but here it is, a list with books that I
don’t really like or simple annoy the shit out of me.
Bitten from Kelly Armstrong
See it and weep!!
It was some
years back when I picked up that book.
At the time
I was going through a vampire/werewolf/occult period (in retrospect that sounds
incredible gay), you know, anything that has big teeth is cool.
I had read
some books that picked my interest as Anita
Blake, Succubus Blues and some others so a werewolf book was a pleasant challenge.
It wasn’t pleasant it was a mistake, and a big one at that.
Bitten
follows the only female werewolf at the world as she tries to make a life out
of her twisted little world. The story isn’t bad, it’s actually a quite good in
introducing the characters.
The world
was given with enough details so that you could make out an image but just
enough, the sex was nice but as a book it had one big flow (as I see it).
Unlikable
characters, how unlikable you ask?
Before the
end I was rooting for the bad guys.
The
protagonist of the book Elena
Michaels is a woman
that annoys the shit out of me, she is psychotic twelve year old with makeup, any
attempt made to make the character more likeable meets an epical fail. At one
part she admits murder because of shear stupidity and at another she admits
that she planed and executed another, oh but she shows some regrets for that one!
ONLY ONE of them! The rest of the cast doesn’t go better, shallow characters upon
which they were made attempts to improve them, but also failed, oh no wait I
actually liked two of them, one that dies two to three pages after he is
mentioned and one of the big bad wolfs of the story.
Times I read the book: Two (2). One to learn the story and one to confirm that it was as bad
as I remembered.
Overall rating on my absurd system:
5/10
The sword of Truth by Tery Goodkind
All of it, bathed in its glory.
The series
“The Sword of Truth” is a frustrating subject to me. On one hand we have a
fresh and interesting world with great characters and a really, really nice
story, it gives you something nice to compare with this world as it touches
some interesting ideas, like politics, racism and prosecution among other
things
Yeah, among many many other
things.
I liked the
books I really did, especially the “Soul of the Fire” which I have read three
to four times.
I have only
one objection.
The fucking
Deus Ex Machina that the writer has decide to keep permanently on the stage.
For those
of you two out there that don’t know what a Deus Ex is, there is always Google.
The main
character is nice enough and he struggles to stay nice all the way, he doesn’t
fall to the dark side, he doesn’t give in to temptations, he is a perfect hero.
Also he is the most like character ever put down on paper, he gets free passes
at anything, we need a spell that has been lost for years, he comes and cast it
without knowing how, we need a strong warrior? Bah the sword gives him the knowledge
of his previous owners… all of them… over a hundred years of battles and experience just got in to his
head and not just sword fight, any style that they knew! When he needs it he
shows us his talent in art, or politics, or battle, or magic, or sports, or
anything ever.
It’s
explained in the books how he does what he does (always, no dark spots there,
that’s another the thing that I liked) but it gets frustrating from one point
on.
There is a
saying in my country “λακωνίζειν εστί φιλοσοφείν” it roughly translates to “Saying few thinks equals to philosophy”
meaning that saying few things makes you look smart, why? Because if you say a
lot of things you are bound to say something stupid. That applies to Deus Ex
Machina to, use them once or twice? A semi passable explanation will do, use
them constantly and no amount of explanation will ever save you.
Times I read the book: The first four, two to three, the fifth
three to four and the rest… you know what doesn’t mater gust read them.
Overall rating on my absurd system:
7/10
The Harry
Potter books by J. K. Rowling.
Can you feel it in the air? A
shitstorm I coming.
Some of you
expected it, some of you feared it and some of you have left before reaching to
the middle of the sentence.
As absurd
as it seams I will not talk about the usual points of stupidity that lay in
those books, for once the subject is beaten to death by the motivational
posters only and second I didn’t really cared for most of them while I read
(there I said it, I read them, its out now and nothing can take it back) the books,
what really annoyed me was the idiot that was forced to our throats as a hero
and also the completely unrelated to him fact that I couldn’t picture the scenery
at all (keep in mind that I read the book in my languish so there weren’t any
words that I couldn’t understand). You might argue about my hero argument and
my incapability to pout a picture in my head but I don’t really care, those
were the honest problems I had while I read the books. At the time I had thought
that this would be a great script for a movie because then I would have a
background image for the whole action. After I saw the first movie my hopes of
that were lost. Notice that I don’t complain about the story or the other
character beyond Potter, that is because I actually liked them, at the time, I
guess the only real reason that I am angry at the Potter universe is that is
worth a lot more, it could me so much more. It is worth an author that can write
the books so that they don’t give the impression of a first draft.
Times I read the books : One and final each.
Overall rating on my absurd system: 4/10
Lord Foul’s Bane by Stephen Donaldson
Here we
are Ladies and Gentleman! The fuck you book of the year. I stumble upon it
while I was searching the internet for good books toy read, I googled “top 10
fantasy”, “top 100 fantasy” etc, I found a list with many, many good suggestions,
among them was this book. I started reading it and it was refreshing at the
start, some think new.
Then the
main hero rapes a fifteen year old girl.
At that
point I closed the book and never opened again. I don’t care if this where one
of the greatest masterpieces ever produced by the human race, I still wouldn’t pick
it up again. The hero rapes a fifteen year old girl.
I think
that up to this point you have noticed a common theme on the books I dislike. They
all have an asshole as a protagonist. A guess that’s just me but I just cant
stand a book with a weak hero, I don’t care if he is smart (Fitz at the Farseer
Trilogy isn’t), or strong (that’s the point with the hero’s, they don’t start
strong , they become strong), or likeable (I still don’t like the Punisher of
Garth Enis but I love the shit out of the series) what I do expect from him
though is to be something to look up to, to be an example, you don’t admire the
Punisher for his actions, but for his spirit for his tenacity to never give up
that you can and must admire.
Overall rating on my absurd system: I don’t know haven’t read it but if I
have to rate it 1/10
Does any
from the above make sense to you? Yes? No? why don’t you leave a comment?
Until next
time people.