I have said before that I don’t like to criticize some one that is better than me in writing on his own job.
That said I cant hold my self back from the books that follow.
It maybe that I have scruples to criticize only authors that I like, or that I am hypocrite that blatantly lies. I don’t know, but here it is, a list with books that I don’t really like or simple annoy the shit out of me.
Bitten from Kelly Armstrong
See it and weep!!
It was some years back when I picked up that book.
At the time I was going through a vampire/werewolf/occult period (in retrospect that sounds incredible gay), you know, anything that has big teeth is cool.
I had read some books that picked my interest as Anita Blake, Succubus Blues and some others so a werewolf book was a pleasant challenge. It wasn’t pleasant it was a mistake, and a big one at that.
Bitten follows the only female werewolf at the world as she tries to make a life out of her twisted little world. The story isn’t bad, it’s actually a quite good in introducing the characters.
The world was given with enough details so that you could make out an image but just enough, the sex was nice but as a book it had one big flow (as I see it).
Unlikable characters, how unlikable you ask?
Before the end I was rooting for the bad guys.
The protagonist of the book Elena Michaels is a woman that annoys the shit out of me, she is psychotic twelve year old with makeup, any attempt made to make the character more likeable meets an epical fail. At one part she admits murder because of shear stupidity and at another she admits that she planed and executed another, oh but she shows some regrets for that one! ONLY ONE of them! The rest of the cast doesn’t go better, shallow characters upon which they were made attempts to improve them, but also failed, oh no wait I actually liked two of them, one that dies two to three pages after he is mentioned and one of the big bad wolfs of the story.
Times I read the book: Two (2). One to learn the story and one to confirm that it was as bad as I remembered.
Overall rating on my absurd system: 5/10
The sword of Truth by Tery Goodkind
All of it, bathed in its glory.
The series “The Sword of Truth” is a frustrating subject to me. On one hand we have a fresh and interesting world with great characters and a really, really nice story, it gives you something nice to compare with this world as it touches some interesting ideas, like politics, racism and prosecution among other things
Yeah, among many many other things.
I liked the books I really did, especially the “Soul of the Fire” which I have read three to four times.
I have only one objection.
The fucking Deus Ex Machina that the writer has decide to keep permanently on the stage.
For those of you two out there that don’t know what a Deus Ex is, there is always Google.
The main character is nice enough and he struggles to stay nice all the way, he doesn’t fall to the dark side, he doesn’t give in to temptations, he is a perfect hero. Also he is the most like character ever put down on paper, he gets free passes at anything, we need a spell that has been lost for years, he comes and cast it without knowing how, we need a strong warrior? Bah the sword gives him the knowledge of his previous owners… all of them… over a hundred years of battles and experience just got in to his head and not just sword fight, any style that they knew! When he needs it he shows us his talent in art, or politics, or battle, or magic, or sports, or anything ever.
It’s explained in the books how he does what he does (always, no dark spots there, that’s another the thing that I liked) but it gets frustrating from one point on.
There is a saying in my country “λακωνίζειν εστί φιλοσοφείν” it roughly translates to “Saying few thinks equals to philosophy” meaning that saying few things makes you look smart, why? Because if you say a lot of things you are bound to say something stupid. That applies to Deus Ex Machina to, use them once or twice? A semi passable explanation will do, use them constantly and no amount of explanation will ever save you.
Times I read the book: The first four, two to three, the fifth three to four and the rest… you know what doesn’t mater gust read them.
Overall rating on my absurd system: 7/10
The Harry Potter books by J. K. Rowling.
Can you feel it in the air? A shitstorm I coming.
Some of you expected it, some of you feared it and some of you have left before reaching to the middle of the sentence.
As absurd as it seams I will not talk about the usual points of stupidity that lay in those books, for once the subject is beaten to death by the motivational posters only and second I didn’t really cared for most of them while I read (there I said it, I read them, its out now and nothing can take it back) the books, what really annoyed me was the idiot that was forced to our throats as a hero and also the completely unrelated to him fact that I couldn’t picture the scenery at all (keep in mind that I read the book in my languish so there weren’t any words that I couldn’t understand). You might argue about my hero argument and my incapability to pout a picture in my head but I don’t really care, those were the honest problems I had while I read the books. At the time I had thought that this would be a great script for a movie because then I would have a background image for the whole action. After I saw the first movie my hopes of that were lost. Notice that I don’t complain about the story or the other character beyond Potter, that is because I actually liked them, at the time, I guess the only real reason that I am angry at the Potter universe is that is worth a lot more, it could me so much more. It is worth an author that can write the books so that they don’t give the impression of a first draft.
Times I read the books : One and final each.
Overall rating on my absurd system: 4/10
Lord Foul’s Bane by Stephen Donaldson
Here we are Ladies and Gentleman! The fuck you book of the year. I stumble upon it while I was searching the internet for good books toy read, I googled “top 10 fantasy”, “top 100 fantasy” etc, I found a list with many, many good suggestions, among them was this book. I started reading it and it was refreshing at the start, some think new.
Then the main hero rapes a fifteen year old girl.
At that point I closed the book and never opened again. I don’t care if this where one of the greatest masterpieces ever produced by the human race, I still wouldn’t pick it up again. The hero rapes a fifteen year old girl.
I think that up to this point you have noticed a common theme on the books I dislike. They all have an asshole as a protagonist. A guess that’s just me but I just cant stand a book with a weak hero, I don’t care if he is smart (Fitz at the Farseer Trilogy isn’t), or strong (that’s the point with the hero’s, they don’t start strong , they become strong), or likeable (I still don’t like the Punisher of Garth Enis but I love the shit out of the series) what I do expect from him though is to be something to look up to, to be an example, you don’t admire the Punisher for his actions, but for his spirit for his tenacity to never give up that you can and must admire.
Overall rating on my absurd system: I don’t know haven’t read it but if I have to rate it 1/10
Does any from the above make sense to you? Yes? No? why don’t you leave a comment?
Until next time people.